Fear, the voice, and getting personal.

Every now and then I get that feeling. That small inner voice begins to speak up until it gets louder and louder asking me, pushing me to answer the question: “are you doing what you want to be doing? are you doing what makes you happy? are you creating and living the life you want to live?”

I hate that voice. Just when I think I’d be happy to just go along and take the “easy” route, do what most people seem to be doing (at least according to facebook, I swear most days I hate that fu%$*ng site and should just delete my account already but that’s another story) that voice, that little freaking voice starts up…

I swear I’m not losing my marbles people.

Needless-to-say, that voice, much as I despise it because it makes me question everything and take a good hard look at myself and what I’m doing (which honestly is never very much fun) – is a good thing? I mean, it’s a good thing if you listen to it, confront it, and do something about it. Not such a good thing if you just let it bother you and don’t confront it and do anything…I also read this interview with Harper Poe recently, the lady behind the international textile line Proud Mary, and found it inspiring. It’s kind of what started up that voice again. I admire what she’s doing and has done and love how she answered the question about being in transition. I feel like that. Like I’m in a period of transition too. I’m not exactly the same person I was before I lived in India; living there I constantly felt inspired, motivated, curious, challenged, happy, and alive. And since returning home in January I am, in a way, starting over too. New job. New apartment. Fresh start. I too get to ask myself “who do I want to be in this new chapter of my story?” And I agree with her. It’s exciting and yet it’s scary. And because it’s scary, I take the easy (for me) route out.

What would I do if I wasn’t afraid? Of failure. Of hearing “no.” Of hearing “that’s silly, that’s impossible…” Where would I live? What would my life look like? What would I do if the reality of it takes money, a lot of time, and a lot of hard work didn’t stop me dead in my tracks…

What would YOU do?

+In the survey I created and asked you to participate in, which many of you did, one thing that a majority of you said was that you wanted to read more personal posts. This is pretty personal I think.

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